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There is nothing like waking up in anticipation of the day that lies ahead. Too often in the past few years have I found myself dreading each new day...I couldn't even get sleep because I was so anxious about what the next day would hold. Anyone who has ever experienced this knows that living that way is not living at all. It's taken time, tears, resolve and self control to make it this far and I'm so happy. I had to write this out not to brag, but to remind myself when I look back on this post on a day that might not be so sunny that I've come a long way. I've felt the ground before...it does get better =)

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Currently Listening To:

I'll just leave this here

Fears

It's 1:38 in the morning and I am exhausted. I'm unwillingly being kept awake by this nagging feeling of wanting to talk and the daunting reality of my own fears. I've realized that there are three things that I am equally most afraid of in this world:

• Never figuring out my purpose, passion and drive in life. I've spent so much of my life following the paths that others set for me that I can no longer distinguish between my own desires and the ones that were fed to me. This is the one that frustrates me the most because I know that I still have time to change this, to truly discover my desires, but I have no clue where to begin searching. 

• Ending up alone. I've always been one of those people who never had real trouble making friends or attracting guys. I have an amazing man in my life now...its just so hard completely recovering from being hurt in the past. The vile residue of distrust lingers on and on...and it causes me to do things that I shouldn't do all for the sake of not being hurt. The truth is these new behaviors hurt everyone including myself...I don't want this to cause me to be alone because I am so afraid to trust.

• That the world will jade me to the point that I lose all of the goodness I once possessed. Sometimes life gets that bad. 

All in all, I am a product of my past and the brainchild of my future. Only I can conquer these fears and turn these - into +. Am I strong enough? 

I've probably had several failed attempts at blogging but this time feels so different...This time I really feel like I'm doing it for me. Not for followers, not because I want to touch lives or show the world how dope I am. I'm simply doing it for me. For those late nights when everyone is sleeping and I have no one to converse with. For those moments I feel without knowing the words to put to my emotions but I can find a song that describes my mood perfectly. For those times when I don't want to forget a single moment. Here's to me.